Five Steps to an Apology

Express regret.

“I am sorry that I  … (say what you did)”.

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Acknowledge how it has harmed the other person.

“I see this has harmed you …

  • in this way ….
  • and in this way …
  • and this way …
  • and in this way … e.t.c.
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Accept responsibility (perhaps for some part)

“I was wrong …

  • when I said …
  • when I did …
  • and when I assumed that …
  • when I … etc.
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Ask “What can I do to make it better?”

Genuine change.

Talk about what happens next that involves change that you can do.

Promise change.

Keep your promise.

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Request forgiveness.

Ask your partner …”Will you forgive me?”

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During this week

Watch these short YouTubes together.

Over the week, ask your partner, “Is now a good time to talk?”

Then, when it is a good time to talk, for them, ask them what you need to apologize for. Use the 5 steps. Apologize.

Each new apology seems to heal some of the damage to the relationship.


Henk Ensing

Henk Ensing