Being intentional is smart loving.

Being intentional is about smart loving. It’s a smart way to approach love in your life. It’s an insight that includes a belief. The belief is that you can intentionally choose to do most things in your relationship rather than waiting for them to happen naturally, or by chance. It starts with choosing a mate. Later on, being intentional can improve almost every aspect within the relationship. It’s a hugely empowering insight.

Perhaps ‘the intentional insight’ can help you with your relationships on every level: the un-friend, the pre-marriage, and during marriage. So it is important that you choose a relationship counsellor who has acquired this insight into being intentional.

The marriage coach or relationship counsellor that you choose will need to notice how intentional you are in your relationship. Noticing your degree of intention is important. Find a relationship coach who will apply the ‘being intentional insight’ to your relationship when you meet with them.
Being intentional is a choice. It is both a choice to believe that love can be initiated and grown intentionally, to a large degree. It is also a choice for us to ‘be intentional’ in our relationships.

The Pre-Marriage Intentional Insight

Pre-marriage use of this insight while dating has far-reaching effects. Well before meeting your life partner you can make intentional choices about who you will marry. This is not about the specific person you will choose to marry. It is about the specific character traits your future life-partner will have.

You can also wisely choose character traits they will not have. Write down your list. Almost certainly you will marry someone you date. So un-friend off your dating list those prospects who do not fit the profile of the person you intend to marry. Un-friend the places where people hang out who are unlike the person you intentionally will marry some day. Intentionally choose new places where you will look for this person. 

Being intentional is this powerful secret. Hidden in plain sight, this secret remains undiscovered by many who fall in love without intentionally knowing who they want for a life partner. The secret is this. Having written down your wish list of character traits for an intentional life-partner, you will now recognise them when they appear before you. While previously you may have missed them, overlooked them, now you will recognise them for who they could be. Without your intentional list of what you want in a partner, you might miss this most precious alarm.

Now that you will recognise the traits you have listed in someone you may have otherwise overlooked, being intentional in dating can include what you intend to do while dating. As dating is not mating, one of the first aspects you need to be intentional about while dating is physical intimacy. Be super-clear and articulate your intentions around boundaries. Communicate those intentions clearly and early in the relationship. Don’t wait to see what happens. Being intentional includes being preemptive. When looking for dating relationship help, make sure your marriage counsellor or relationship coach is perceptive in how you are being intentional.

Choose a relationship counsellor who perceives insightful ways you and your dating partner are intentional and where you can be more intentional. 

About The Author

Henk Ensing coaches couples in skills for joyful, lasting, relationships.

Skilled in role-plays, he coaches couples who want to restore their connection and make their love last. 

Henk applies daily use of the key relationship skills, with Jenny, the girl he married over 33 years ago. Henk offers Relationship Coaching via Zoom across New Zealand. He helps couples in conflict by empowering them with skills right from the first session.

Contact Details

Book a session with Heenk for Couple Coaching 

027 2284 570