How to find a marriage counsellor who can gain insights into your relationship

You are both in the relationship. Within the relationship is an inside position. From this position it becomes difficult to see what is happening to each of you, and to both of you.

From within your relationship you cannot see the dynamics playing out, the missing relationship skill, or the way your relationship can be shaped so you are both united as a couple. Several things are missing. One of these missing things is third-party perspective. Your marriage counsellor or relationship coach has this perspective because they sit outside of your relationship. They are not emotionally charged about your issues. This allows them perspective and patience without the history you possibly share.

In addition to third party perspective, your marriage counsellor or coach has something much more powerful. Two things: Insights and filters. From several years of in-depth study and couple counselling experience, your marriage counsellor develops the skill of gaining insights and use of filters.

Insights into your relationship can come with great skill as you both interact. An excellent marriage counsellor or relationships coach will ask many questions of you both to gain these insights. Your answers can be passed through a range of filters. Each filter picks up if there is a need, a deficiency, a blindness to the other person, a skill required, or an underlying problem to be addressed. Perhaps a couple may have several underlying problems and need to learn as many as ten skills. Perhaps more. The helpful ability to gain these insights comes through a perceptive, educated relationship coach or marriage counsellor.

An insightful couple coach or relationship counsellor will be able to help you both learn these relationship skills. Almost all my work as a relationships coach is in gaining insights and using filters, then coaching each couple based upon insights gained during the session. Every couple can be unique. Even with this uniqueness, there are many skills that are commonly cropping up as needed in relationships. Many relationships have some of the same needed skills in common.

My role as a relationship coach is to gain insights in to your relationship, then train you in the particular relationship skills that you need in your relationship. Often this can be done in an online session via Skype or Zoom. Skills can be taught and practiced within the session. We can each see each other and progress can be made. In several ways, online relationship coaching can be easier than in-person marriage counselling sessions. You can both meet from home or elsewhere. You need almost no preparation time. Online coaching can be a better solution, rather than marriage counselling, in many instances.

About The Author

Henk Ensing coaches couples in skills for joyful, lasting, relationships.

Skilled in role-plays, he coaches couples who want to restore their connection and make their love last. 

Henk applies daily use of the key relationship skills, with Jenny, the girl he married over 33 years ago. Henk offers Relationship Coaching via Zoom across New Zealand. He helps couples in conflict by empowering them with skills right from the first session.

Contact Details

Book a session with Heenk for Couple Coaching 

027 2284 570