Rock Solid Relationships

Get the love you want

Get the love you want

Getting help when the relationship is difficult

I work with couples to address a variety of relationship challenges, such as how to communicate nondefensively, speaking to each other with respect, as well as struggles with couple boundaries. Finding hope can feel challenging when going through a rough patch. Through couple coaching sessions, I’ll support you in changes you want to make. 

Face-2-Face Sessions at Waimarie: Hamilton East Community Centre, 53 Wellington Street, Hamilton.


What will help you in the session

Couple relationships can be complex and difficult-to-navigate.

Sometimes couple relationships can have seemingly perilous challenges. 

Hi. I’m Henk Ensing and I’d like to share an idea with you that could help you when you come to meet with me in your couple session.

Sustaining a relationship over the long haul can require a lot of effort at times. Other times only a moderate effort may be needed to maintain a great relationship.

However, at times, couple relationships including marriage relationships can be fraught with potential problems, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings.

One of the most valuable assets you can bring to your romantic relationship is psychological flexibility.

Your openness to psychological flexibility is a thinking flexibility that will help your relationship. 

It’s the ability to think about things from a number of different perspectives. We can develop psychological flexibility by being more mindful of the ways we make sense of situations. 

As you and your partner choose to be open to being flexible about other perspectives, and consider more adaptive perspectives, you may discover a way through the seemingly perilous changes of your relationship (Beck et. al. 1979).


Beck A T, Rush A J, Shaw B F, Emery G (1979). Cognitive Therapy of Depression. New York: Guilford Press.

Perhaps within the session, when you meet with me, you may be able to think about things from a number of different perspectives. Possibly during the session you both can develop psychological flexibility by being more mindful of the ways you make sense of situations involving both of you. 

As you and your partner choose to be open to being flexible about other perspectives, changes may happen during our session that will be helpful to the relationship. 

– Henk Ensing

Couple Sessions

Usually I meet with each of you separately first.  A brief meeting. Then, after hearing each of your stories about what is happening in your relationship, we meet together.

The first step is to book a session.

After the first session you’ll know more. You’ll know if our Couple coach – client relationships is  a good fit for you both. Then you can decide when, or if,  you want to book the next session.

Relationship counselling

Do you need marriage counseling or coaching? I offer a complimentary service of couple coaching. It works alongside your counselling and can also be helpful. It is different than the service relationship counsellor’s offer. Are you looking for a marriage counsellor or a relationship counsellor or a couples coach? 

As we unravel the difficulties you both face, we can come to understand the problem. We can then open up for discovery the skills you need to shape your relationship.

Marriage counselling

If you are looking at how to save my marriage then perhaps I can help you. I’m a couple coach. You ask yourself, how can I save my marriage? Or, how to save a failing marriage? Let me help with couple coaching skills. Your partner may say “help me save my marriage” or even want help saving the marriage after divorce papers filed. I can help with
saving a marriage after separation if couple coaching skills are needed. But not counselling.

Meet together

Describe the problem. Work out what is really happening for each of you.

Strive for fairness

I strive for fairness and equality in sharing the problem story

Relationship skills

We’ll strive to discover what is holding you back, and how to release the conflict

Meet me at the Community Centre


 Book a couple coaching session to address the problems.

Discuss Issues

What is happening in the relationship?

Make changes

Explore choices that will make your relationship a better place for both of you. Practice skills during the following week.

I work in New Zealand

 Ralph Waldo Emerson, once said:

Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–1882)

Relationship Counselling, marriage counselling and couple coaching.

Hi, I’m Henk Ensing. I work with individuals and with couples who want to improve their relationships.

Improving marriage relationships

Often a couple find themselves unable to communicate. Sometimes one or both feel as if love has left the relationship. Sometimes anger has crept in. Sometimes couples struggle to get along and this becomes a dominant visitor in the home. In all these cases, and more, help with the relationship may include unpacking the problem. Help can be learning new ways of living, loving and communicating. It can come in a session where some coaching can make all the difference.

How couple coaching helps the marriage relationship

I’m inviting you to come – come and prepare to change. 

You can choose to grow toward a sublime relationship – a relationship that is extremely good – even unparalleled – a relationship where you each become the best possible version of yourselves. 

How do you both feel about the idea of transformative change in your relationship and what does that mean? Sometimes, it means that things will be very different, or that your way of communicating will be totally different. This can be a huge relief to both of you when you have been trapped by habits in cycles of communication that are not serving you well.

Relationship Counselling and scope

It may be helpful to know the areas with which I do not help. My focus is on relationships and getting couples communicating to the point where they can go-on in the relationship. I include relationships with siblings, family, children and work colleagues. My work is not limited to relationships between a man and a woman. Other counsellors offer counselling in areas that are far out of the scope of my work. These include family counselling, addiction counselling, grief counselling, sex therapy, and mental health counselling. I do not offer any of these services. I am focused on conflict coaching with couples who have relationship issues. I use John Winslade’s approach of conflict coaching, in it’s entirely. The following areas I do not cover:

Areas of counselling

  • Marriage and relationship counsellors work with married couples or couples who live together and are in conflict. Married couples often take words from marriage counselors to heart. (Be sure your marriage and family counselor is certified to practice in your location.)
  • Family counsellors work with the family as a whole unit to provide social work and counseling services. While a therapist or social worker may see family members individually for more information — the primary focus of the social worker is on the family as a whole.
  • Addiction counsellors work with individuals who are addicted to substances or activities such as gambling or gaming. People who see addiction counselors are often referred for additional social work-related services like employment or housing services.
  • Grief Counsellors work with those who have suffered a loss of a loved one to provide counseling, social work, and other support services to help family members progress through the stages of the grieving process.
  • Sex Counsellors/therapists work with couples or individuals experiencing issues of a sexual nature or with sexual intimacy.
  • Mental health counsellors work with individuals who have been diagnosed with depression and other mental health disorders that can be managed through a range of therapies.

I offer couple conflict coaching where an individual or couple wants to go-on in an improved relationship. This coaching involves unpacking the problem and looking into the relationship to see what skills will help. It probably will involve change by one or both of you and practice in sessions to get it perfected until you can both get along on your own. You may find you have a new relationship with the same person as a result.

Get through the conflict

I can meet with you in a one-hour session to look into your relationship.

We can see what is working – and what is not.

Try one session

If you notice a lot of improvement in the relationship in the week following your first session, you can decide if you want to book a few following sessons.


Couple conflict


Some of your incompatibilities will be important ones. Partners will not be able to slough them off as insignificant or treat them with indifference.

I can help you to bring-up the difficult topics.

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