Rock Solid Relationships

Get the love you want

Get the love you want

Rock Solid Relationships Closer Couples Communication

Henk Ensing | Renovating Relationships

Henk helps individuals and couples to renovate their relationships. Where couple conflict is present, couple communication exercises can renovate the relationship.

Face2face: In meeting room

Online: Zoom / Skype / vidcam / on your device, PC, laptop, mobile phone or tablet.

 

I provide help for couples like you and your partner

If conflict visits your relationship then perhaps this could help you.

Learn to notice new things in your relationship.  Understand what is needed to release the conflict that is causing so much damage.

Practice many different ways to break the argument cycle. 

It can be seen as a way to get the love you want.

You can get this help by booking a session with me.

Hi, I’m Henk 

What are you noticing in your relationship?

I can help you notice what is going on in your relationship. Noticing is important because it helps reveal which skills are needed.

More ...

I bring to my work, currently taught, leading relationship skills from world reknown relationship psychotherapists. I’ve studied conflict coaching at the University of Waikato in 2019 under the tutorship of John Winslade Ph.D., Professor of Counseling and Guidance, Dept of Special Education, Rehabilitation and Counseling
California State University. John is the author of numerous books  including Practicing Narrative Mediation – Loosening the Grip of Conflict. I use this approach in my work.

I’m married to Jenny, a relationship counsellor, and have been for 34 years. I hope that, at times, this experience informs me of a path forward while working with challenges in a relationship.

Qualifications

    • B Ed. University of Waikato
    • Associate of Science, BYUH
    • Post graduate studies in dispute resolution, 2019 – COUNS546, University of Waikato

Continuing Education

  • Student of Narrative Therapy Counselling at Dulwich Centre – Gateway to Narrative therapy
  • Student member of Resolution Institute – The largest dispute resolution membership organisation across Australia and New Zealand.

I work in New Zealand

 Ralph Waldo Emerson, once said:

Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–1882)

Relationship Counselling, marriage counselling and couple coaching.

Hi, I’m Henk Ensing. I work with individuals and with couples who want to improve their relationships.

Improving marriage relationships

Often a couple find themselves unable to communicate. Sometimes one or both feel as if love has left the relationship. Sometimes anger has crept in. Sometimes couples struggle to get along and this becomes a dominant visitor in the home. In all these cases, and more, help with the relationship may include unpacking the problem. Help can be learning new ways of living, loving and communicating. It can come in a session where some coaching can make all the difference.

How couple coaching helps the marriage relationship

I’m inviting you to come – come and prepare to change. 

You can choose to grow toward a sublime relationship – a relationship that is extremely good – even unparalleled – a relationship where you each become the best possible version of yourselves. 

How do you both feel about the idea of transformative change in your relationship and what does that mean? Sometimes, it means that things will be very different, or that your way of communicating will be totally different. This can be a huge relief to both of you when you have been trapped by habits in cycles of communication that are not serving you well.

Relationship Counselling and scope

It may be helpful to know the areas with which I do not help. My focus is on relationships and getting couples communicating to the point where they can go-on in the relationship. I include relationships with siblings, family, children and work colleagues. My work is not limited to relationships between a man and a woman. Other counsellors offer counselling in areas that are far out of the scope of my work. These include family counselling, addiction counselling, grief counselling, sex therapy, and mental health counselling. I do not offer any of these services. I am focused on conflict coaching with couples who have relationship issues. I use John Winslade’s approach of conflict coaching, in it’s entirely. The following areas I do not cover:

Areas of counselling

  • Marriage and relationship counsellors work with married couples or couples who live together and are in conflict. Married couples often take words from marriage counselors to heart. (Be sure your marriage and family counselor is certified to practice in your location.)
  • Family counsellors work with the family as a whole unit to provide social work and counseling services. While a therapist or social worker may see family members individually for more information — the primary focus of the social worker is on the family as a whole.
  • Addiction counsellors work with individuals who are addicted to substances or activities such as gambling or gaming. People who see addiction counselors are often referred for additional social work-related services like employment or housing services.
  • Grief Counsellors work with those who have suffered a loss of a loved one to provide counseling, social work, and other support services to help family members progress through the stages of the grieving process.
  • Sex Counsellors/therapists work with couples or individuals experiencing issues of a sexual nature or with sexual intimacy.
  • Mental health counsellors work with individuals who have been diagnosed with depression and other mental health disorders that can be managed through a range of therapies.

I offer couple conflict coaching where an individual or couple wants to go-on in an improved relationship. This coaching involves unpacking the problem and looking into the relationship to see what skills will help. It probably will involve change by one or both of you and practice in sessions to get it perfected until you can both get along on your own. You may find you have a new relationship with the same person as a result.

Ask for help

Asking for help is the first step you can take toward breaking the cycle of conflict that is playing out in your relationship.

Between sessions, practice the new skills until you notice early and respond with your training.

Like any skill, it may take several sessions for you notice early, breathe and choose a helpful response. Keep practicing during the week between sessions.

Most couples wait far too long before they ask for help.

As we unravel the difficulties you both face, we can come to understand the problem and thereby
open up for discovery the skills you need to shape your relationship.

Understand your problem 

Understanding the problem is important. All issues affecting you are shaping the relationship

To understand ...

To seek understanding I meet with you both together and ask what has been going on for you both. I also meet with you separately, for about 15 minutes each, in the first session. Then we meet together for the remainder of the time to discuss the conflict.

Strive for fairness

We unpack the problem or issues in your relationship. I facilitate equality in sharing the problem story

If the conflict ...

If the conflict has a strong grip upon the relationship, I may recommend a separate conflict coaching session. Conflict coaching is John Winslade’s model of dispute resolution that can be used to help couples in conflict. The goal is to help you to be able to go-on in the relationship.

Relationship skills

We’ll strive to discover what is holding you back, and how to release the conflict

You will be helped ...
You’ll be helped with the skills you need. We’ll practise as role plays in the session and you can use them through the following week.  If you need many skills, it may take several sessions for you to practice sufficently to become competent. Some couples take longer than others, and that’s normal.

We can meet Face2Face

You can meet with me Face2Face in my meeting room.

How you would prefer to meet?

Meeting online saves you time

We meet online

We meet Face2Face online, not in a meeting room. You and your partner meet with me on your device via the vidcam and conferencing software.

Saves you time

So you don’t have to drive to me. You’ll save travel time. It’s also easy to meet at home, or in your car on your device.

Number of sessions

It often takes most couples several sessions for you both to develop the skills. How would you prefer to meet?
I work in New Zealand

 Ralph Waldo Emerson, once said:

Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–1882)

Relationship Counselling, marriage counselling and couple coaching.

Hi, I’m Henk Ensing. I work with individuals and with couples who want to improve their relationships.

Improving marriage relationships

Often a couple find themselves unable to communicate. Sometimes one or both feel as if love has left the relationship. Sometimes anger has crept in. Sometimes couples struggle to get along and this becomes a dominant visitor in the home. In all these cases, and more, help with the relationship may include unpacking the problem. Help can be learning new ways of living, loving and communicating. It can come in a session where some coaching can make all the difference.

How couple coaching helps the marriage relationship

I’m inviting you to come – come and prepare to change. 

You can choose to grow toward a sublime relationship – a relationship that is extremely good – even unparalleled – a relationship where you each become the best possible version of yourselves. 

How do you both feel about the idea of transformative change in your relationship and what does that mean? Sometimes, it means that things will be very different, or that your way of communicating will be totally different. This can be a huge relief to both of you when you have been trapped by habits in cycles of communication that are not serving you well.

Relationship Counselling and scope

It may be helpful to know the areas with which I do not help. My focus is on relationships and getting couples communicating to the point where they can go-on in the relationship. I include relationships with siblings, family, children and work colleagues. My work is not limited to relationships between a man and a woman. Other counsellors offer counselling in areas that are far out of the scope of my work. These include family counselling, addiction counselling, grief counselling, sex therapy, and mental health counselling. I do not offer any of these services. I am focused on conflict coaching with couples who have relationship issues. I use John Winslade’s approach of conflict coaching, in it’s entirely. The following areas I do not cover:

Areas of counselling

  • Marriage and relationship counsellors work with married couples or couples who live together and are in conflict. Married couples often take words from marriage counselors to heart. (Be sure your marriage and family counselor is certified to practice in your location.)
  • Family counsellors work with the family as a whole unit to provide social work and counseling services. While a therapist or social worker may see family members individually for more information — the primary focus of the social worker is on the family as a whole.
  • Addiction counsellors work with individuals who are addicted to substances or activities such as gambling or gaming. People who see addiction counselors are often referred for additional social work-related services like employment or housing services.
  • Grief Counsellors work with those who have suffered a loss of a loved one to provide counseling, social work, and other support services to help family members progress through the stages of the grieving process.
  • Sex Counsellors/therapists work with couples or individuals experiencing issues of a sexual nature or with sexual intimacy.
  • Mental health counsellors work with individuals who have been diagnosed with depression and other mental health disorders that can be managed through a range of therapies.

I offer couple conflict coaching where an individual or couple wants to go-on in an improved relationship. This coaching involves unpacking the problem and looking into the relationship to see what skills will help. It probably will involve change by one or both of you and practice in sessions to get it perfected until you can both get along on your own. You may find you have a new relationship with the same person as a result.

Help to get through the conflict

I can meet with you in an online session and coach you in your relationship skills.

It is helpful to preceed couple therapy by meeting separately.

Are you open to meeting with me?

Couple Conflict Coaching

You and your partner meet with me online on your device.

Ideal if you both hope to improve your relationship, even if you do not have specific problems. Also, when conflict visits the relationship, conflict coaching can help you both to go-on.

Resolving couple conflict and incompatibilities

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Some of your incompatibilities will be important ones. Partners will not be able to slough them off as insignificant or treat them with indifference.

Couple coaching is a mediated conflict resolution process designed by John Winslade. I use this process in my practise.

Meet me online

on your device:

webcam / Skype / Zoom / mobile / tablet

Henk Ensing | Rock Solid Relationships

"Asking for help is the first step you can take toward breaking the cycle of conflict that is playing out in your relationship.

Most couples wait far too long before they ask for help."