De-escalate the Couple Conflict

Some relationship tools are helpful in de-escalating a growing conflict. Here are some of these.

Time Out

When you have awareness that there is anger present. Or perhaps you just need some relational space between you both. You can claim time out.

‘Time Out’ is an agreement

You both can agree, now, that whenever either of you claim Time Out, it will be allowed.

  • It’s an agreement
  • You claim it
  • No permission is required

Time Out Rules

As a couple, you might like to agree to at least two rules.

The rules to which some couples agree:

  • Say “I am claiming Time Out”
  • Say How long you are claiming (e.g. 15 minutes)
  • Say where you will be

That’s it.

Allowing each other the choice of Time Out means we will not talk to them. We will not follow them. It means we will grant them relational space. Time to recover, think or heal. Time to cool down.

Time Out can be a great relationship tool to de-escalate a heated conversation.

You could also say who has your children.


I’m claiming time out.

I’ll be at the mall.

I’ll me back in 1 hour.

I’m taking the two youngest children with me.

No Following Agreement

You agree not to follow. Not to talk or txt. Not to Message your partner. Real relational space is granted with consent, moving forward in time, from this day.