This is the process to follow. There are four stages.

The ‘scripted phrases’ act as markers. The ‘scripted phrases’ tell both people where we are up to in the dialog. Using the ‘scripted phrases’ can be helpful to both The Speaker and The Receiver. It helps both Speaker and Receiver to stay in the process.

You will both know where you are up to, and whose turn it is to speak. Staying in the process prevents the conversation from getting derailed. Using the ‘scripted phrases’ prevents an argument.

  1. Ask for Consent
  2. Talk and Reflect
  3. Summarize
  4. Pass the Batton

Ask for Consent

Person 1: When is a good time to talk? (or …”Is now is a good time to talk?”)

Person 2: Yes

Person 1: Can I be the speaker? (or “Will you be the speaker?”)

Person 2: Yes

Talk and Reflect

Speaker: Talk, talk, talk …  (Look after The Receiver)

Receiver: Reflect, reflect, reflect … (Help The Speaker to feel heard)

Speaker: Talk, talk, talk

Receiver: Reflect, reflect, reflect

Speaker: Talk, talk, talk

Receiver: Reflect, reflect, reflect

Above, The Speaker Shares 5+ (five or more) thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes, options, choices, concerns, frustrations, things you would prefer or something else.


Speaker: Will you summarize that?

(Or “Can I summarize that”)

Receiver: Yes

Receiver: Summarize, summarize, summarize … (You can ask The Speaker for help)

Receiver: Is that a good summary?

Speaker: Yes

Pass The Batton

Would you like a turn as The Speaker?

(Or “Can I have a turn as The Speaker?”)