Couples in marriage relationships sometimes stop doing what they used to do. They stop doing things that worked for them earlier in the relationship. One such thing is dating.
Sometimes, married couples stop dating. For many couples it seems like this:
“Going out together used to connect each other.
“It used to be a super-fun experience.
“We both laughed. A lot. And about anything.
“It used to connect us in a fun way, by just getting a milkshake together. Or eating fish’n’chips on the grass at Raglan beach.”
“There were no worries.
“But also, we had no careers, no children, house or mortgage.
“Oh, if only we could have that kind of relationship again.”
Perhaps that’s a real possibility – for you.
Dating used to work for you – and it can work for you again.
Going on a once-a-week date to eat out, or chill somewhere like at a park or the beach, can be a regular way of connecting.
It might connect you as a couple within marriage, just as it connected you as a couple before you were married. Before you both had children.
A date does not have to be expensive. It can be free.
It also does not have to take an afternoon. It can be for 10 – 15 minutes. Or an hour if you have a babysitter that will stay for that long.
I recommend weekly date for married couples. Just so you reconnect. So you bond in a fun way.
However, many of the best married dates I’ve been on with my wife, Jenny, happened after we agreed to some dating rules.
Sometime couples set dating rules. Married couples set theri own rules and often at least two rules help to improve the relationship and make the date more fun.
Don’t talk about the children
Some married couples agree to a dating rule that they will not discuss the children while on a date. Not at all. The children and baby are no-discuss topics.
There’s also another helpful rule that works.
Don’t talk about work, or study
Other married couples might set a rule not to talk about work. They agtree not to mention their univeristy studies if they are a student.
Self-employed couples might agree not to talk at any time about their business. Or Business ideas. Or investment ideas.
No one sets the rules except the couple. You work it out between you. You may come up with other rules to improve your dating experience.
It’s Difficult at First
Keeping couple-talk to anything except the kids and work may seem easy. But it can be very hard to do – at first.
Neither of you may be used to this.
Perhaps all you have spoken about over the last few months or years has been the children and your work. Or the new business.
It may seem like you have nothing else to discuss.
You might struggle to find a topic.
Your conversations will blossom
However, as you keep the rules you set together, you may find that new topics find fertile ground to grow.
Perhaps your new conversations may blossom into a garden of joyous ideas and fun thoughts.
Soon, it may be just like you had exciting conversations before you were married. Perhaps even better.
Connecting through refreshing conversations while dating can enrich the relationship. It can connect you both. And it can be fun.
Try this out on your next weekly date, and see what works for you both.