How can we communicate a frustration in a helpful way?

One way is to use an “I Feel” statement.

  • We can say how we feel
  • We can describe the event that causes us frustration
  • We can say what we would prefer

It’s OK to have diversity in the relationship. To feel differently. To prefer something different.

Actual emotion


Afraid
Sad
Disappointed
Anxious
Suspicious
Surprised
Jealous
Miserable
Confused
Stupid
Angry
Ashamed
Withdrawn

Indifferent
Sorry
Depressed
Enraged
Frightened
Shy
Hopeful
Regretful
Scared
Stubborn
Guilty
Nervous
Embarrassed

Proud
Lonely
Frustrated
Hurt
Tired
Puzzled
Skeptical
Worried

We could use an “I Feel” Statement.

I feel __ (actual emotion) __
when __ (observable event) __,
What I’d prefer is __ (say what you’d prefer) ____.

You could also say, after that, …

What do you think?

Try to externalise.

Externalising

We can talk about the frustration without blaming someone.

Use the word ‘The’ instead of ‘you’

By externalizing into the event we can get both people on-side.

It prevents the Blame Game’.

People near you are more likely to feel happier when you express your frustration.

Example

I feel upset

when The Car is dented.

What I’d prefer is

for The Car not to be dented.

What do you think?

Keep the “I FEEL” Statement simple.

Keep it very short.

Try not to use joining words like “and” because The “I Feel” Statement might get too long.