TO ALL COUPLES WHO MEET WITH ME IN SESSIONS:

Hi guys,

Here is your homework for the week. Try to make time for a dialog every day – even if it is a brief one.

Cheers, Henk.

You could think of these as non-defensive responses. While you are the receiver, you don’t need to correct the person or defend yourself. You simply reflect. You can always say how you see things during your turn as speaker.

I don’t do this exactly as they do. I recommend these 3 steps.

1. Reflect
2. Summarize
3. That makes sense because.

Speaker, keep your talking turns short. Much shorter than this example. Perhaps say only part-of-a-sentence, 15 seconds long, before pausing to allow the receiver to reflect.

Every 15 secs, pause for Reflection

Speaker – only take your turn for about 10 minutes, before swapping to the receiver role. Turns that are too long are very hard on the receiver. Keep your talking turns very short.

You can say more in your next turn as speaker.

Use I Feel Statements to express frustrations during your turn as the speaker.

I have received Imago Dialog Training.

Replace You Statements with I Feel Statements. You’ll be ready for more skills in the next couples session as you work on this together. Select 1 or 2 real topics of frustration to the next session with me.

Cheers, Henk Ensing