About Henk Ensing

I’m Henk 


B Ed University of Waikato, New Zealand.

Assoc. Sci. BYUH, Oahu, Hawaii, USA.

Post Graduate IPC COUNS 456 Conflict Resolution: Restorative Approaches, University of Waikato, New Zealand.

marriage counselling
  • Held the role of professional educator at secondary and tertiary institutions
  • Taught at BYUH, Division of Math, Natural Science and Technology 
  • Created Strengthening Families, a software for improving parenting skills
  • Facilitated Addiction Recovery groups in New Zealand for 2 years
  • Coached couples in marriage and relationship skills: Creating enduring relationships (2020)

I married a bright and wise woman whose work is in relationships counselling. We both share a common passion for ways to make relationships last. Over the past 34 years of marriage, we have studied and practised many relationship skills. Six children and many grandchildren later, this journey brought me to couple relationship work.

Married life has been a 34 year internship for the work I do now with couples.  I  hold profound respect for, and understanding of, relationships at different stages of life.  Couples’ problems make sense to me.

When I recently engaged with post-graduate studies at the University of Waikato it seemed I arrived at the highlight of my career – working with couples where conflict is present.

I see transformative change in couples as they restore trust and love in the relationships they rebuild. This is a great work into which I hope to bring wisdom and insight.


how to change myself to save my marriage

“I am inspired by the change couples can make in their relationships.

Often what begins as a thin hope, turns around, over a short time, into a most promising relationship.”

“It seems usually we underestimate the amount of change we can make.

Over a short time, relationships can transition to be something simply wonderful.

Couples just need the right kind of help.”

Henk Ensing

When I’m not at work

I’m a husband and a father.

Our family live on a lifestyle block, next to a river. 

I care for two milking goats and four hens.

I prefer remote camping in the bush and coastal areas of New Zealand Aotearoa. In particular, I like swimming in the surf near the surf club at Raglan when there are big waves.

couple coaching

My work is informed by the insights of the following counsellors and psychotherapists.

Michael White, Honorary Ph.D.
Johnella Bird
John Gottman Ph.D
Julie Gottman Ph.D
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D
Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D
Dulwich Centre Faculty
Jacobson & Christensen
Gerald Monk Ph.D
John winslade Ph.D

should i save my marriage or move on
Jenny & Henk


Years of marriage

Grown children

Laying hens

Milking goats

Why meet with me?

Meeting with me is something you and your partner would have to choose.

  • Do you and your partner have difficult issues in your relationship? About money? About sex?
  • Is there is a struggling-to-talk problem, a talking-over-the-top problem, a not-listening or a not-being-heard problem?
  • Is the loudness (shouting), the criticism, the contempt or the disrespect present in your relationship?
  • Do either of you have trouble respecting each-other's boundaries?
  • Do either of you want to set boundaries?
  • Is there is a loss-of-trust?

If "YES", then perhaps getting help could mean book a session