It can help to set up a weekly meeting with your partner.
Agree to have the Couple Meeting at the same time every week. It takes inertia to set up a first meeting, so setting it up as a regular meeting every week at the same time can be helpful. You never have to agree on it again, just send out a reminder, via txt. “Hey, Couple Meeting at 2:00 pm. See you then.”
An agenda can help. Often couples have just a few items on the agenda. Here are four suggestions.
Our Calendar – What’s coming up this week. Plan together.
2. Job Roster
Go over the job roster. Report back on the jobs you agreed to do on the roster. Say if you did them. What extra jobs, if any, you did for the relationship. The Job Roster chat here invites accountability around division of labour, i.e. sharing out the jobs and not ducking responsibilty.
3. New Issues
New Issues: Big or small frustrations, here’s when you have a turn to speak about the issues. Take turns at being The Speaker and The Receiver. If this does not work well, if there is contempt present (i.e. volume, speaking over, labelling or name-calling, tone or unkind sarcasm), or criticism, or defensinveness, then you need help from a couple coach or relationships counsellor (or book a session in with me).
4. Good Times
Good Times: Take turns at saying one ‘good time’ over the past week. Big or small, keep adding a new ‘good time’ when it is your turn. Stop when both or all of you have said “pass”, which means you have no more to share.
Hold it weekly, ongoing, forever.